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The theatre smelled of polished brass and simulated candle wax, the kind designed to whisper “tradition” without ever producing soot. Tonight was another grand premiere produced by The Theatre Simulacra. The audience filed in, eyes bright with the eagerness to lay claim to have witnessed the latest and greatest production.

The Marvel supervillain Thanos was known for his iconic declarative: “I am inevitable.” It’s not hard to imagine Jannik Sinnner, the new hegemon and (depending on where you stand) heel of men's tennis – the world number one-ranked player at the time of this article's

London. February. Leicester Square. I emerge from the dimly lit bowels of Prince Charles Cinema into the customary city drizzle and try to make myself cry. Celine Song’s breakout debut Past Lives just finished playing and I’m convinced that I should feel *something*. This is, after all, cinema.

Statistically, air travel is the safest way to get around this lonely rock. One could reasonably argue that it is more dangerous to walk to the corner store from your second floor apartment, as the combination of stairs and sidewalk are statistically far more dangerous to your livelihood than stepping