A Conversation with the Living Embodiment of Christ

Before the Yuletide season, in the Year of Our Lord 2025, a Dromline correspondent ventured to Toronto’s west end for a rare interview with a divine subject. He heralds the Second Coming (or so he says), and he had some wide-ranging wisdom and cultural observations to share. This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

Spiritual Seeker
So … religion. What's there to say?

Prophet
I don’t know, what is there to say?

Spiritual Seeker
Well, it's that time of year. I feel like there's just a lot of religious significance in December. We've got Christmas, we've got Hanukkah. What does that make you think of?

Prophet
It makes me think of children across the world being blown into smithereens by a theocratic regime …

Spiritual Seeker
I feel like two years ago, when we had the outbreak of that particular global crisis that you're referring to, I recall some activists that year — so December 2023 — some people are like “Christmas is cancelled,” just because of all the atrocities that have happened, and thinking it's just not a time for celebration. What do you make of that sentiment?

Prophet
That Christmas is cancelled?

Spiritual Seeker
At that particular time, yeah.

Prophet
I just don't think you can cancel Christmas. You can, but the cost of trying to cancel Christmas is that Christmas will cancel you — in hell.

Spiritual Seeker
Is that what they call Transubstantiation?

Prophet
Yeah exactly. Well, I don't know, that sounds a little silly. It also sounds like a very, you know, Western-centric, liberal white person tweeting from their home in the Hamptons, where they're just like, “Oh, the world!” But the world's always been on fire for a lot of people, right?

Spiritual Seeker
What if I were to tell you they were not white people saying this?

Prophet
Well, let me say this: Palestine and every conflict in Palestine didn't begin two years ago, okay. So by your logic, Christmas should have been cancelled nearly 100 years ago.

Spiritual Seeker
Maybe 2,000 years ago?

Prophet
That doesn't make any sense — you can’t cancel Christmas during the first ever Christmas.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, I mean, isn't it funny how we celebrate Christmas? Because Jesus was born in the spring, as is probably the case. It's just because of the Roman holiday that we celebrate —

Prophet
I think that's a myth, actually.

Spiritual Seeker
Oh, why is it a myth?

Prophet
I mean, they just don't know if that's the case. That's attributed by some modern historians, but there’s murky evidence to support that there was an active transition to that day. No one really knows how Christmas arrived, or some people, but I don't think so. I think the common theory that it fills some kind of existing Roman tradition around the Winter Solstice might not be correct.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, I mean, there were certainly, if not that, other traditions at the time.

Prophet
Yeah, there were a lot of Roman holidays, especially by that point in history, right? If you want time off, you can get the time off. There's enough reason to do so.

Spiritual Seeker
Lazy people, huh?

Prophet
I believe it was probably some kind of calendar miscalculation or something, you know. I think there's probably something closer to that.

Spiritual Seeker
There were other pagan celebrations around that time …

Prophet
Yeah, I think it's convenient, and I think it's a nice historical narrative. Maybe it fills some kind of spiritual gap. Maybe it did fill some kind of spiritual gap. Who knows what the effect was, but that's a different question.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, it's funny, again, all the things that we associate with the iconography of Christmas, it's funny how much of it is so non-Christian.

Prophet
Yeah, non-Christian. And in a part of the world that is currently being decimated — Jesus’ home is rubble now, my friend.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, it's funny. Jesus was a Palestinian Jew.

Prophet
He was Judean, technically; it was a different name at the time.

Spiritual Seeker
It's a shame that we don't have a unifying figure like that who can represent both sides …

Prophet
For both Jews and Muslims — Jesus Christ. Ironic.

Spiritual Seeker
Truly. But even beyond the Abrahamic stuff, I like Norse mythology a little bit. And it's kind of funny —

Prophet
Did you catch that comment by FBI Director Kash Patel?

Spiritual
No, what was it?

Prophet
I saw a clip of it the other day. I know it’s not a recent comment. But after Charlie Kirk's death, I think it was one of the first press conferences afterwards, he ended it off by saying, “and to my friend Charlie Kirk,” or something like that, you know, “Rest easy, brother. We got the watch from here, and I'll see you in Valhalla.”

Spiritual Seeker
Well then, he is in the hall of the slain.

Prophet
Yeah, exactly. He's with the Savior, you know, he's in the arms of his Savior.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, I guess Kash Patel subscribes to Nordic paganism.

Prophet
I think Kash Patel subscribes to whatever signs his paychecks, and sells him the strange amphetamines that he’s taking — probably just normal amphetamines.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, he's not one to turn down a paycheck. I mean, that's the other thing about this time of year, so much religious significance, but I feel like—

Prophet
There's also so much commercial significance,

Spiritual Seeker
Exactly, and those things are tied together, maybe in some not-so-authentic or pleasant ways.

Prophet
It is the time of year when we wrap up our books, when we do our harvests, when we close the accounts. It’s also the time we do religion. I think it makes sense, like you said, these sort of pair well together, right? Because it's commercial activity, but before that, it was probably just activity, right? Like regular economic activity.

Spiritual Seeker
Like what?

Prophet
You know, like farming — you are harvesting and tucking away for the winter and shit. You're closing, you know, you're selling off any of your assets that you need to get off your balance sheet. That's why, you know, you're shifting from the red to the black —

Spiritual Seeker
The grand unifying theory of accounting, right?

Prophet
Yeah, exactly.

Spiritual Seeker
All to say, abundance is a quality of a lot of religions. You know, be wealthy, not necessarily greedy, but have resources for yourself.

Prophet
Yeah, I think you mis-sold this to your editors, friend. I'll be real. They think they're gonna get some psychopath with a messianic complex on the record? They’re wrong. They’ll get a free thinker, a decent thinker.

Spiritual Seeker
No, not at all. But you said something interesting earlier about a different faith tradition, on the other side of the world, that's not Bethlehem. Some would say the original Promised Land, the Indian subcontinent …

Prophet
Yes, the one that we're gonna conquer in our older years, right? Or reconquer? Or maybe I will, and you’ll try to stop me.

Spiritual Seeker
Wouldn't be the first time …

Prophet
That someone’s come back as a foreign conqueror? Exactly.

Spiritual Seeker
But you were saying there's a certain value change with faith and culture over time, right?

Prophet
Yeah, capitalism, colonialism. I just think India is coming to terms with a culture that fits well with a sort of exploitative type of capitalism — one that feeds off of inequality, worships money, you know, the acquisition of wealth. And that makes sense. I mean, as a society where scarcity is great, right? And competition is great, so you need an ideology that pairs well with, you know, the demands of society. Otherwise, it's maladaptive. I do think maybe that's probably how some religions tend to die. You know, I'm going to take a very modern stance on that: I do think material factors play a role some of the time.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, I mean, what is it, then, about Indian society in particular, because you could say that about a lot of different places.

Prophet
I don't think there's anything specific about Indian society. I just think I can speak on it as an Indian, you know. I wouldn't say we're uniquely a greedy, obsessed culture. I just think again, we have a sort of version of Hinduism — and this is based on personal observation more than it is a sociological study of Hinduism and diaspora culture and communities — but it does seem we have what I've been kind of thinking of as like a “mono Hinduism.” It's not a fully developed term yet, just a working term. But this kind of generic Hinduism, right? Then when you go to India, and you sort of visit the various areas, you know, you see a diversity of Hinduisms, right? I'm not the first one to make this observation. I think it's fairly common nowadays that, you know, the term “Hinduism” is a kind of umbrella term for several religions that were almost in colonial times, paired together. It seems that we have, and this is probably practical to some degree — there were fewer temples, fewer practising Hindus, and people have to sort of reconstruct this tradition with resources from back home. So you have a more generic version of Hinduism, right? That is more theologically uniform, philosophically uniform, right? Or just doesn't really concern itself with those issues enough for it to matter day-to-day, and the utility of these institutions to those who rely on them.

Spiritual Seeker
Say more about that. What do you mean?

Prophet
Like, I just wonder how you know deeply the [North American] gurus engage with some kind of literature on theology, you know, and some kind of dialogue with broader Hindu theologians or something. I don't know if that kind of culture exists, really. I just think there are different ways that, you know, people who have prominence within Hinduism gain that following and then also validate their following in dialogue with others' practices. I don't think it's like the same as some kind of academic theology that the type you have, maybe in Christianity

Spiritual Seeker
So in some ways, a more siloed approach?

Prophet
Yeah, in some ways, it's more reminiscent of perhaps an ancient era, where people just kind of went up and got their followers and stuff. I do think, it seems to me, academic Hinduism is very separate from practising Hinduism. Even among, like, more recent Hindu scholars. And I don't know too much about the field, just my very shallow diving into it. It seems like there are two channels. You have a more academic study, a more critical study into Hinduism that applies normal tools that you see in other departments, like post-colonial tools and stuff; and then you have, like, the day-to-day practising gurus who are really just doing their own thing and interpreting their own worldview and stuff. And sometimes it might be baked into a tradition. Other times, it might just be like vibes, right? It's kind of crazy.

Spiritual Seeker
Have you heard of this guy named Sadhguru?

Prophet
I have. Yeah, he’s a big one. That's a big one —

Spiritual Seeker
Have we talked about this before?

Prophet
I don't know if we've talked about this, but I know a lot of people who really like Sadhguru …

Spiritual Seeker
I feel like he's kind of the case study for the phenomenon you just described.

Prophet
He is, yeah. There was another person. It was, like, super strange. I went to my family's — like it was some religious festival going on around, I think it was the Lori festival. It's like, when you throw shit into a fire, for the god of fire…

Spiritual Seeker
Like your ex’s possessions…

Prophet
Yeah … that’s not Lori, by the way, that's like a caricature of probably a deeper tradition. But you know, this one sect, like, one particular group, subgroup within my family — my extended, large Indian family — worshipped a particular guru, okay? And when you go there, these guys are serious about their practice. That's why I wanted to go. You know, all my family were like, “Why would you want to go with that?” And I'm like, “No, I want to see how it's done, when it's done, legit.” I wouldn't say by any means it was legit, because this was a modern guru, probably, I don't know if he's still alive …

Spiritual Seeker
Oh, so you don't know if he was like a living person?

Prophet
He's definitely a living person. These are, like, modern photographs of this guy, probably alive — he could still very much be alive.

Spiritual Seeker
He just wasn't physically present there.

Prophet
But they had a seat set up where they had a photo of his feet, which I found really interesting. They had a photo of his stomach — not his stomach, but like him, just kind of sitting. But they wanted to really complete the idol of him, so the photo of him, like a portrait cut off at his knees, and then they had a separate photo for his feet, because they really wanted to, I guess, include his legs and feet —

Spiritual Seeker
The most important part, you’ve got to touch them.

Prophet
You have to worship the feet. You have to, you know, what’s the term, pranama?

Spiritual Seeker
So what’s up with this guru?

Prophet
I don't know what he does differently, but it seems like he’s a modern guru. One of my uncles was saying, “Take this band,” or something. And I'm like, “Sure, whatever.” And it was just like, they took a handful of his writings. They had a bumper sticker with his words on it, and they're like, “You gotta really take this bumper.” You know, it was strange, because it was like, clearly, I think what they appreciated about him seemed to be his philosophical teachings, right? And the fact that he is a modern practitioner who clearly speaks to them — because he was a modern practitioner, again, I don't know if he's like, dead or alive or who this guy really even is. But then, you know, there was a level of — and I don't mean this in a sort of negative sense, maybe that has a connotation, in our Western Judeo-Christian world — but a little bit of idolatry. You know, idol worship, in a value-neutral sense.

Spiritual Seeker
How does he manifest? Is he on YouTube or something?

Prophet
I have no fucking clue. Like, I remember there was a bumper sticker and some bracelets and stuff. And my uncle’s like, “You're gonna keep that, because it means a lot.” And I’m like, “I am gonna keep this because it means a lot.” And I did mean that in my heart, because it doesn't mean anything to me, but it means something to the person who handed this to me, who I respect. I lost it five minutes later, and then my uncle came, and he's just like, “You still have that with you, right? And I'm like, “Yeah, 100%.” Then someone, five minutes later, walked into the room with it on the ground, saying, “Who lost this?” It was a very comical scene. And my uncle's like, “Is that yours? And I'm like, “No…”

Spiritual Seeker
So you just lied!

Prophet
I lied, and then I said, “... but I’ll take an extra one!” And I ended up leaving that bumper sticker in the car, and my uncle gave it to me again, and then I lost it. You know, I think there’s a true divine force, it's working through the fact that I'm losing this …

Spiritual Seeker
Non-Judeo-Christian artefact?

Prophet
I don’t know. It seems like there's simultaneously a real rigorous desire to worship that almost felt separate from this guy in particular. Like this guy could be a variable —
Spiritual Seeker
Like you could latch that belief onto anything?

Prophet
They want to, and I think this person speaks to them as a modern idol. But I do think the way that people were holding on to their practices felt like practices themselves, you know, because they were rather broader Lori practices, they were just done very rigorously, like, “Oh, you have to eat here. You have to make sure your entire plate is clean.” Otherwise, it's disrespecting the food. You have to make sure that not a drop of it touches the ground. It was like, legit. And, you know, people, guys were walking around making sure that you're not leaving food behind. That's difficult for me, because I tend to leave food behind. But yeah, it was a very interesting event.

Spiritual Seeker
And you were there around December last year?

Prophet
That’s right, it’s almost my one-year anniversary.

Spiritual Seeker
So you were there during a time of general, in the Western sense, religiosity.

Prophet
I guess that's what people are saying nowadays.

Spiritual Seeker
What do you mean?

Prophet
Like, what you're saying, about religion, like everything in the West, people are becoming religious again. Is that what you’re saying?

Spiritual Seeker
I think there's something there. I mean, if you read Ross Douthat’s columns, or whatever.

Prophet
I gotta change out of this monkey suit. [Leaves to head to his bedroom].

Spiritual Seeker
Yeah, is there more religiosity?

Prophet
Speaking of [points to new t-shirt]: my number one religious icon, the icon of Latin America who is next to Jesus Christ himself, is Goku. This is technically a Broly shirt, but…

Spiritual Seeker
So would Broly be like the Antichrist?

Prophet
Broly would be like the expanded Kabbalistic canon, where he's like Metatron, or he’d be part of the gnostic tradition.

Spiritual Seeker
… in the religion of Dragonball?

Prophet
I guess we've never talked about this. Are you a Dragon Ball Z guy?

Spiritual Seeker
No, unfortunately not.

Prophet
We should watch it. Would you be open to that?

Spiritual Seeker
I mean, sure, like, I've seen clips of it.

[a rough segway after an interlude of general nonsense]

Prophet
But are people more religious now? It's an interesting question. Some would say that the absence of meaning in our sort of late capitalist world has led to a yearning for greater beliefs, so that might propel people to turn out honestly. Anecdotally, I can see that effect taking place just in people I know who were not previously raised religious or anything, but found themselves gravitating towards a church of some kind.

Prophet
Yeah, I've never particularly felt the whole thing like, “Oh, we are lacking.” I've never felt a lack of meaning in my life. Maybe I haven't lost enough, or maybe I've been sheltered or privileged, or maybe I've just always had shit working out for me.

Spiritual Seeker
I think it's more so when it's the professional and material ambitions that rule life —

Prophet
No, I get it, but people just have to focus on what they got, and do it to the fullest. Not everyone can do everything. You just have to — my old Rabbi therapist, he was a rabbi, and a therapist —

Spiritual Seeker
He was your rabbi?

Prophet
Well, sometimes he did give little bits of rabbinic wisdom. You once told me — I don't know how true this is, because I read this interesting, funny comment on YouTube when I was watching this Rabbi talk about something else — and it says, “You can have three different rabbis, and you can ask them about the same question about Judaism, and you get four different answers.”

[an interlude to quibble about journalistic ethics and redaction]

Prophet
You know what, [Spiritual Seeker], what you’re doing right now lends itself to a podcast format. And I know every guy says this, but if we had a podcast, we could do it in my room.

Spiritual Seeker
A podcast with the divine — wouldn't that be so cool?

Prophet
Yeah, okay, why don't we both work towards becoming the divine?

Spiritual Seeker
So how does one do that then?

Prophet
Well, you know, I've heard some interesting experiences. One, I think it helps to be insanely lucky — like, you know, I just, I feel like I get away with a lot of shit, partly because I'm handsome, partly because I'm charming, partly because I'm well spoken. But all those are, you know, God-given gifts.

Spiritual Seeker
So God is looking out for you?

Prophet
I don't think I'll ever die because of insane, tragic circumstances. I think I'll die because of some, like, it might be tragic, but it will be in some grand thing. You know, I won't go out in some meaningless way.

Spiritual Seeker
How would you want to go out?

Prophet
I don't — whatever way is chosen for me.

Spiritual Seeker
Well, what is a meaningful way to go out?

Prophet
That's not up to me, you know, just up to the Big Guy, or Girl, or man and wife, partners…

Spiritual Seeker
Co-Gods?

Prophet
Yeah, co-Gods.